I tell it straight. We had a little grey friend in our apartment. He escaped our best efforts to trap him. When trapping fails, you have to hunt.
I’ve got a bunch of blog readers who hunt. I’d like them to appreciate the skill required to successfully hunt a New York City mouse. The big game hunter Theodore Roosevelt once wrote of the New York City mouse:
“[It] is a shrewd, wary, knowing beast; but it owes its prolonged stay in the land chiefly to the fact that it is an inveterate skulker, and fond of the thickest cover. Accordingly it usually has to be killed by stealth and stratagem, and not by fair, manly hunting; being quite easily slain in any one of half a dozen unsportsmanlike ways.”
- Theodore Roosevelt, The Wilderness Hunter
Okay, maybe he was referring to whitetail deer. Regardless, “inveterate skulker” is an apt description of the New York City apartment mouse (not to be confused with the New York City rat, who is better described as a brazen pandhandler).
Here’s how to kill mouse by “fair, manly hunting”.
- Stalk your prey (or work on your laptop for hours)
- Listen for rustling in the underbrush (or on the kitchen counter)
- Corner your prey (by swatting at him with a rolled up copy of Men’s Health)
- Attack his hideout from above (by lifting up the slow-cooker and slamming it down on him)
- Return his body to Nature (on a flaming pyre in the East River)
Never let it be said that New Yorkers don’t know how to hunt.